@emilyrosecharlotte | Creator profile on Nutcake

What kind of content does Emily Crane make?

Emily Crane shares authentic and relatable insights on navigating life's complexities. Her content, primarily on Instagram, offers practical advice and personal reflections on relationships, career, and self-acceptance. Brands will appreciate her candid approach to topics like personal finance and dating, resonating deeply with a young adult audience seeking guidance and encouragement.

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My dad’s funeral was planned for Saturday.
Which would’ve been fine, except on Saturday morning he was still alive.

On Thursday, I went into the bedroom to check if he was still breathing. He was. Dragging out those horrible little rattling breaths.

So my husband and I thought, Right. He’ll die tonight. And we’re good to bury him Saturday.

But Friday morning came, and he was still going.
I started preparing food for the funeral anyway because everyone was coming round. I made a load of douillons (they’re little apple pastries )… Very yummy, actually.

That evening, my husband came home.
And my father was STILL not dead.

We went to see the priest and explained the situation. He said that if my father died that night, then we could still bury him on Saturday.

He didn’t.

Saturday morning arrived… his funeral day…. and the old sod was still alive.
Do you know how embarrassing it is when people turn up for a wake and the corpse isn’t dead yet?

We explained the situation, but the food and drink were already out, so everyone stayed.

And tbf it turned into a great party. People got pissed and we were all howling with laughter.
But THEN our neighbour came in from the
bedroom and said my father had finally died.

Terrible timing.

Now I’ve got to prepare the food, tidy the house, and do the whole bloody thing again next Saturday.

(Do you hate me?)
Aren’t I an exceedingly insufferable and selfish character?

None of that is true. My dad is well and alive, and I’m not married. This is a short story written by Maupassant in 1884.

The woman’s father dies over several days, basically on his own, and is seen as a massive inconvenience for everyone.

Written over 100 years ago, and far more insightful on ageism in our society than any LinkedIn post that starts with « what my fathers death taught me about ».

So I guess:

How you feel about the world now, and what you think of people, has been felt and thought of before… so just open an old book and read about ourselves from 100 years ago.

#poem #maupassant #poetry #writing #writingcommunity #grief #ageism

Men are pigs.

What?! That’s not true. Not all men. I’m not a pig….

That’s true. Okay let me start again:
Women are stronger than men.

What?? That is DEFINITELY not true. Not all women… in fact it’s probably a very small minority of women.

Alright then, women are faster than men.

What are you talking about?

Well, when it gets to specific ultra marathon distances, women have a higher chance of beating men.

Ye but how many people acc run those distances? Very few women are on the whole faster than men. See: Not ALL women.

PRECISELY! That’s the thing. How often do you hear women claiming that on the whole, they are stronger and faster than men?

Never.

Because it’s a rarity. And how often do you hear women saying they hate men.

All the time.

So?

So what?

Okay. Do you want a biscuit?

Please.

Just by the way, not all of the biscuits, but 5 of them have cyanide in them.

What? Why?

They’re bad biscuits, but they’re a minority in the pack…. Don’t worry about it! Just have one.

I don’t want one.

Why?

Because they’ve got cyanide in them!

No they don’t. Not ALL biscuits are poisoned.

Right but the risk is big enough that I’m just going to treat them as if they are all poisonous.

See?
It’s safe to assume that such a large majority of women have suffered male violence, be it emotional or physical, that they have chosen to simplify the statement to encompass a wider truth.

Which means that?

Men are pigs.

To be honest… I have never personally been offended by that statement. So maybe if it tickled your anger, you’re one of the 5 cyanide pigs in the pack.

#writing #poem #poetry #writingcommunity #feminism #womensrights #womeninmalefields

Dating in your 20s
(I’ve made some notes)

1. If their family is horrible or mental, don’t count them out. Unless of course, they don’t see it - then run a million miles.

2. If they’ve seen you clothed - they can guess what you look like naked. And if they’re in bed with you, they want to be there - so stop worrying about how u look and focus on how you feel.

3. You don’t work in a circus, you are not a juggler. You are also not Don Juan. Focus on one person at a time.

4. 5, and 6: for those of you with a dick: they’ll remember the way you made them feel more than the size of it. Stop focusing on your aesthetic, and learn to give better head instead.

7. The grass is greener where you water it. A successful relationship is one you look after every day. Pull the weeds out together and take notice of each new flower, however small.

8. You might get cheated on. In that case: hoorah! You found out! You haven’t built your life around a lie! Run, you are free! Maybe treat yourself to a celebratory coffee!

9. To know wether they are the right person for you or not… imagine relationships as a conversation that you start upon meeting… would you be happy to keep this conversation going with them for 60 years? If so - bingo.

10. Our partners are expected to be therapists, every night stands, chefs, financial advisers, photographers, comedians, and shoulders to cry on. No one can master 12 million jobs. So be patient with them. And don’t put all your expectations on them. Don’t neglect your friends. They were there before your relationship, and they should be there throughout it too. Because they’d be there if there was an after….

11. Bonus: letters are better than flowers. So get your pens ready ;)

This was: « ten things a day keeps the horrors away! » with me, your host. Thank you for joining! And see you next time :)

#10thingsaday #writing #writingcommunity #dating #relationshipadvice #relationship #tips

I’ll do it LATER.
(My loo has limescale in it before anyone has a hissy fit. I will at some point get round to sorting it.)

Also. Do WHAT now? Which one of the things to do must I do NOW?

See this is the thing you’ve not considered Brian - it’s that for some, life is a series of strings tied up in knots.

(Allow me to demonstrate)

Oh wait? The table - I just finished the washing- okay the table. The washing up and the table are linked. By the sponge. The sponge is the knot. Because I’ve wiped the table, I’m gonna wipe the surfaces.
Now I’m in the bathroom. The bathroom and the kitchen are linked. I’m gonna clean the sink and oooooh! I forgot I had that!

Which leads me to wander into the bedroom and I’ll put the clothes from the floor of the bathroom into the machine. Which ties my kitchen to me bathroom to my bedroom. I’ll make the bed. Or not. It’s not as important as being in the call I have in 12 minutes. Call which on the laptop in the kitchen. So I’ll go back to the kitchen and ooooh! Coffee. Coffee and kitchen are tied.

I’ll forget that kettle is on because I’ve spotted the bin that needs emptying.

I’ll have to boil the water again after my call.

See I’m not sure what I did NOW. But I did put a wash on, do my dishes, wipe the surfaces, empty the bin, and join my call.

Sure - i forgot about the coffee. But you see, Brian, for me anyways, life is a long piece of string and everything is tied. Tasks don’t stand alone floating in the ether. I must tie them mentally with my string, otherwise I’d never get anything done.

Doing it NOW is terrible advice.
Because all of it simultaneously does and doesn’t get done in one sweeping motion.

#adhd #motivation #writing #writingcommunity #poem #poetry #dailyroutine

Who is Emily Crane’s audience?

Emily Crane's audience is likely comprised of individuals seeking practical advice and relatable content on personal finance, dating, and self-acceptance, primarily within the GB. Their high Instagram engagement rate (7.80% ER, significantly above benchmarks like Instagram's 1.5%) signals strong interest and active participation, suggesting they are not passive viewers but rather engaged community members looking for genuine connection and actionable insights. This audience is highly receptive to Emily's authentic sharing of life experiences, indicating a strong potential for conversion on Nutcake's platform.

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